The beautiful one

The woman.

The true woman is the woman you want to hold her hand on the street, the woman you want to sleep with, the woman that turns your cold mornings into warm ones, the woman you want to stay in bed with all day long, just to see her there, next to you, only you two. She is the woman with who you don't have to impress through things that don't represent you; you can be upfront with her, with who you are, with what you think without being scared to be judged. She is the woman who understands you, who takes care of you and says beautiful words, from the inside.

She is the woman you want to learn something about everyday. 

She is the type of woman, that when you have a problem, will tell you that as long as you two will be together, you, as a couple will solve any problem. 

She makes you think how happy you are  next to her. 

She chose you, to be hers, because all others have lost this war and you are the one who won it.

You won a woman like her. 

London Eye

Central London

Hurricane Shaniqua

First love

"You can never forget your first love" - these are the words I always hear them and I tend to believe them. 

First feelings, first love comes when you are around 15-16 years. To me was different. I had many crushes from the age of 15-18 but at 18 I got to understand and live true feelings. I was in love. Later than most girls, but I was. 

It is indeed hard to forget the first "butterflies" in your stomach, the first unusual heartbeat, the sleepless nights thinking about that one person that once meant nothing to you. You can remember how happy you were, how you would smile all time; you have discovered a whole new world. 

Love comes when you least expect it and it goes the same way; but first love comes with joy, hope, illusions and we feel it deeper, more beautiful and any other feeling feel more intense as it fills your life with light and happiness, because it happens for the first time. 

Because we meet the first love at a very frigle age, when we are only some kids, it is very pure, sincere, beautiful; that's why it sticks with us forever. We don't know how to lie, how to hide certain feelings that we later understand, that are better not said.

All we know is to feel and love.

First love can never be forgotten. 

Why do I love him?

Do you realise that you love a bunch of meat and bones? A gale of blood that flows through veins or a creature that stole your smiles after it has blurred your soul with tears? 

You open your eyes full of hope to see his face again, even though it has only been a couple of hours since sleep has stolen this view from you? And how can you, again, forget the last fight that has mended your heart with doubts? 

Why do I love him? 

Because I like when he whispers kind words into my ear or when I hear his abrupt breath. I like his capacity of holding onto small, insignificant things which for some may mean nothing but for me, they mean the world. 

Next to him I am always myself and the child within me isn't scared to show up. 

I love to wait for him to come back home and cuddle into his arms like I would do this for the first time. 

I like to kiss him good night and fall asleep with the thought that he knows I love him the most and I will always be his shadow when he ain't next to me. 

That is why I love him. 

Simple or complex?

I try to draw out my thoughts that are furrowing my mind and I don't succeed. There are many thoughts; they are random, they have different colors and they give me different moods. I have hard times which bring me down and I have amenities which make me rise but to be honest at this moment I am not sure whether I am sad or happy. I only know that I am alive. And I also know that tomorrow will be a wonderful day in which I will focus my energy on hitting my supreme target; to have a beautiful life. There are times when I feel really really small compared to the whole universe and there are times when I feel the most important person in the whole world and the most loved one. I don't care which of the two moments are the closest to the truth but I can tell you now, that feeling important feels really great. I will work hard in order to be important in terms of career as I already feel important on my love side. I have days when I believe I am funny, and days when I can't even stand myself. I believe I have friends which are always there for me and sometimes our friendship hardly exists. Everything is circular, even life itself is a sequence of parables. This can never change, but I can slowly make my way to the top and go back down to have a reason to work hard again to go back to the top. And every time i make it to the top, I will enjoy the view and learn as much as possible from it.

Fear

It is hard to talk about our deepest fears, about scary moments we have been through or we think it might happen in the future, but at some point we all are going to live this emotion; fear. It's no way something postive, as it sometimes has stupid consequences. 

Fear is one of the most often reasons why we fall back, we shut ourselves out, we isolate ourselves into our own world where imagination plays different tricks and misleads us further from the reality. Fear exists in almost anything we do, but is good to know that it can be treated. Not with painkillers or injections, but with yourself. You are your own medicine, your own redemption. Ourselves, through our own power we can selfcontrol any situation and we can do a lot to improve our life and those around us. It is indeed very hard to have a stable selfcontrol to fulfil our aims, as there are many obstacles on the way such as out own impulsive actions which we do without thinking about the consequences. 

We are the only ones who can push this impulse and fear that hunts our soul and minds away. We can wipe it out like we wipe our dust on our desk. Even after you wipe the dust there will always be some bits flying around and going back again on the desk. 

There are many types of fears that have different ways of manifestation. Fear of failure, fear of being left by our loved ones, fear of death, accidents, major decisions or changes in our life, fear of certain things such as heights, animals, people etc. We have to outstand our limits and fight for our aim in life, happiness.

Almost anything we achieve along this "road" that takes us to the final destination, we realise is always the same road; happiness. 

Through simple things we do, we bring a drop of happiness to our life. Drop by drop, will add up and will make us move forward easily and without fear, towards unknown destinations. 

Life under construction

I got to a conclusion where we are all so limited like we are always "under construction". Throughout our life we only learn and experiment things; nothing else. Will it ever stop? Is it that hard to just simply be us? 

We all have 24h a day and 7 days a week but we don't all have the same opportunities and the same lifestyle which saddens me because as they say "rich will be richer and poor will be poorer".

Destiny. I do believe in destiny but not everyone's is that bright and when your life doesn't start well from the beginning(childhood) you will start to worry how your whole life is going to turn out. Having a bad feeling about the future won't take you far. You have to work and work, in order to stand out from the crowd and make it to the top. But this effort you put in throughout all these years won't guarantee you a better job with a good salary. 

So you hope. Life is about letting things run according to divinity. Divinity is a state pf things that come from supernatural powers such as God.

Have faith. 

Confused

I know how it is. It happens to me very often. I wake up , I look in the mirror and smile. I smile because I like what i see, because I'm pleased with what I've got, with what I'm feeling and with what I love. Because I do love.

But sometimes, i feel like i don't even want to wake up. It seems like I'm scared to look in the mirror and face something that i don't like. I feel like i want to isolate myself like a pigeon closed in cage. He never feels comfortable behind those bars, away from doing what he likes to do, like stretching his wings to cover the entier sky and fly as many miles as he can just to feel the freedom. He doesn't feel happy being closed, like i don't feel happy when I'm confused. Being confused is part of you. But I don't know what my destination is going to be. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I'm thinking what on earth do I want to be in this life? Do I want to be big and drive a big truck ? Or do I want to be bigger, work in an office, dress in a lovely black suit and wait for something new to happen ? Or maybe I would like to drive miles and miles without stopping and visit loads of countries, scour the montains and hills, descover the green meadows and the blue shiny lakes, run barefoot through the snow and watch the beautiful sun reflecting its amazing colour on the dried leaves during autumn time. I don't know. People make my feelings even more confused by pretending they care about you when they don't even know how messed up your mind is. They make is even worse . But why ? That might be an easy question to answer to. They simply don't care. Now your heart takes hostage. Love makes me feel the most confused person on this world. It's like dreaming about you and I being just HAPPY, but at the same time i don't want to hope that you feel the same about me. Every feeling, moment, word and action of your life feels like a shooting star. You left me with problems without solutions and I left you with questions without answers. I think that is fair enough. Now tell me how do you feel when you're confused.

Happiness

I'm looking for something. I'm so confused and everything spins around my head. It's morning. The past memories of my life tells me through nostalgic feeling which only serves gently words to show me how foolish I was to not appreciate the times then.A friendly phantom, a tease and nothing more. A motivation to find it again and repeating the same thing over and over again. This is an ephemeral emotion which has the shortest lifespan, but meaningful and the most memorable thing. You love. What do you feel ? Anxiety, Faintheartedness, Panic, Trapidations ? or Joy, Delight, Pleasure, Hopefulness, Exhilaration ? Imagine the sky without stars, Christmas without Santa, your stomach without batterflies or imagine YOU without FEELINGS. Make it simple for yourself. Enjoy every moment of your life with satisfaction. And when your older think about your past and all the good feelings you've been through. Make little things enormous, huge , IMMENSE ! If you really want to know what happiness is like.

Let it go in

I've learned that fully happiness consists in making others happy. The secret of happiness isn't to do with things you like but with you liking the things you do. They say that, this nostalgic feeling is made of illusions, hope, believe in people and yourself and then of friendship. But sometimes it seems like we’re prepared for anything except forhappiness.

The truth is that we are not used to this feeling, as we often take it like usual occurrence. I won’t discuss the concept of happiness and I won’t draw the boundary between happiness and unhappiness. All I’m saying is that we are treating the misery as something that we are obliged to let it accompanying us. Frequently, it seems natural to have moments of despair in our lives, of wander, of envy, and it seems strange not to have large and small dramas that fill our days with urgent moments or not important at all. Often, we don’t know how to behave when happiness hits us with its full speed and we act like we know the wave of euphoria, of excitement, and appreciation for the simple moments that make us feel like we are few inches above ground. We are afraid not to look pathetic if we feel to behave in a particularly way like : jumping, screaming, take the world in our hands, smile without reasons, call someone just to hear their voice, to stay quiet and taste the warmness that lazily flows through our veins and opens our eyes. Pleasure isn’t complicated, but it comes unanticipated and for which we are never ready. In fact, it’s just a feeling that you must have the courage to let go in when they quietly knock at “your door”. It is that feeling that cleans it’s “feet “before it goes inside, even though it doesn’t need to, because it usually floats to be everywhere and nowhere.
The sad conclusion I got is that we can’t afford to be happy and we do this because we got the false impression that we don’t have to combine it with other negative feelings that we got at certain times. We don’t want to leave space for delight through our daily problems because we think that it is a pure feeling and it has to be by itself so nothing can steal its shine.
And because I’ve got so many conclusions over time, I came to realize now how cool are the feelings of gladness are when they spontaneously cross me. We call them (apparently) inappropriate moments. In those awkward and meaningless moments when according to the consciousness would have to cross my sadness, pity, guilt, despair or remorse. I got to experience happiness in all its form- from unexplained happiness to a “seat of fighting” (and no, I’m not referring here to a self-inflicted happiness, but to a real one).
Therefore happiness is no complicated at all. It is not easily achieved, and also isn’t exactly how you read in quotes and in others stories, indeed.
Happiness it is tasted, it splits into small pieces and sometimes its value is added when it gets divided.

Someday

Your soul cries. This is the moment when what hurts you; it’s invisible to others, where you appear as looking happy but when really and truly the world seems to be collapsing around you and where the pain is deaf and blind.

When your soul cries no one knows, no one sees, no one believes. No one listens. Looks like not even you know exactly what’s worrying you or what you are afraid of. Everything that has been gathered inside overwhelms you. But you continue to smile, to finish your daily work, and hide the fears and stifle the thoughts that have created a chaos inside you. You don’t know if it became a habit to carry your spiritual burden.

You feel vulnerable, helpless. You sigh like the air around you has suddenly attenuated and you fight for nothing just to find a solution. You think of all the people that have been around and contributed to your horrible mood you are in and ask yourself the same question over and over again. WHY ME?! You want to speak to someone about the poison that has captured your soul; but who? Your smile is bitter. Because you know that this time you are on your own. It’s your fight. Between you and yourself. You are the victim and the culprit. You are both the winner and the loser of the game.
You know that at some point it will end. You know that the air will again become breathable and that behind those smiles there will be no deaf or blind pain. You know that it will be you again, that person who is always in a good mood, who is always joking and the suffocating “sigh” will only be a memory. Someday. You know that all these things will happen. Someday.

You know. I know.

Life-44 words

Life means jumping into the -chaos of pain and fighting onto the peaks of happiness, loss and retrieval, words and non-words, smiles of joy and sad tears, harmony and clutter, chaos and stillness, accomplishment and disappointment, closeness and distance, sweet and bitter, sun and thunder, power and weakness, trust and betrayal, good and evil, courage and cowardice, love, forgiveness, hugs, kisses, friendships, adventures, tenderness, faith, soul, God, time, childhood, naivety, people.

Life doesn't precisely mean to be happy and unhappy. It means more than that. A new day is a whole new page from the book we have all received it. Today's page can be stained with bitter tears of our own sorrow, and on tomorrow's one we can draw our own smile. With tears or smiles we write a whole new chapter of our life. We live.

And happiness is just a bookmark we sometimes hide in between the pages of our life.